The Tiacken Tribune

Welcome, one and all, to the Tribune’s One Hundredth issue! As we look back through the archives, we marvel at the fact that we’ve been around for so long, and still enjoy such a thriving readership. This whole thing wouldn’t happen without your constant and continuing support, and the Tribune thanks you all. Here’s to another 100!

Musings from the Front (Kaela Angeles - Prospective Tribune Columnist)

This ought to teach me not to open my mouth… As many of the readers know, I made a comment that the TT was getting a little light on hard hitting articles, which caused Eldritch to challenge me to up the quality of the paper.

My original thought was to provide some in-depth coverage on the war front, and how it has affected denizens of the Pardus Contingent Clusters. But with the TT eschewing war coverage due to Lancel’s efforts, that blew my idea out of the water…

So… what else could I write about…There are people way more experienced than I at hunting, and frankly, I’m not that great in combat.. I know enough to survive, but that’s about it. Then one of my friends made a comment. His exact words were “You can talk the tentacles off a Euryale.” After glaring at him for a bit, I thought about it…why not…according to the TT, I’m already and experienced diplomat, and now that I’m one of the 10 richest pilots in the galaxy, why don’t I talk about what I do and how I got there.

As many TT readers may be familiar with, the Freeholder’s Alliance was in the center of a storm during Cere’s War (or Usube II). We are also one of the richest alliances in the Universe. So, what do you think about learning how to talk and make money!

As most of you are a intimately familiar with, the standard way to make money is a large trader and a good Food/Water/Energy run… sure… that’s the easy and boring way…it’s tried and true. But here is the problem — Don’t all the good runs seem taken? Once a good run is advertised, traders flock to the area… then everyone complains that the run sucks and no one believes that the run can be good.

Or, you are an owner of a starbase, and you keep bleeding credits…traders don’t seem to listen to anything you have to say…or you find yourself competing with other starbases for the few traders that service your area. Soon the SB has become such a money sink that you are looking for some poor sucker to unload the base on, just hoping that some day you may be able to recoup your losses.

So… when do we get to the meat of how to solve some fundamental issues? I’m glad you asked. The scope of this is so large, that, well, there is no way I can cover all the topics in one go. So this issue, it’s just me giving an introduction and hopefully whetting your appetite.

In the future, I’d like to solicit input from our loyal readers about what subjects they would like to hear about. While I may not be the oldest pilot flying around, I’ve seen quite a bit and done even more!

Ciao for now!
Kaela Angeles

(Editor’s Note: You read that right. Kaela Angeles, contactable through the standard galactic communications network, is asking you all, readers young and old, to request article topics regarding economics and diplomacy. If you ever wanted to learn how to advance in the universe, this is an unparalleled opportunity! Take advantage of it today!)

The Aperture

What is it? When is it? Where is it?

Those are easy questions to answer! It’s an aperture. The first rifts in the space-time continuum have been seen already, though scientists estimate that the rift will widen and nastier nasties escape whatever hell they were entombed in for these countless centuries. And it’s everywhere. The more pressing question is “Why is it?” And that is what we are going to focus on in this article.

The origins of the aperture are being hotly debated among universal scholars. Some old Newtonian physicists are heralding the coming of a new beginning. Parallel dimension philosophers believe that the aperture might be a chance for us all to meet…well…ourselves in alternate realities. Hardened combat veterans don’t really care, since the only thing that we’ve seen so far from the aperture is a slight inconvenience in nebulae. But whence stems this mysterious opening in the continuum of space-time…this eddy if you will. Well…that’s an interesting story, but it begins in a very simple way. It begins with a house.

Actually, I’m kidding. Why a house would be mixed up in space-time is utterly beyond me, and most galactic psychologists have advised me to not dwell on such foolish events. The Tribune has actually done some research and have noticed a disturbing trend across the galaxy that explains the origins of this event a little too well to be coincidental.

It all started with Usube II, the war, not the nonexistent planet…or formerly nonexistent. As any reasonably competent galactic historian will tell you, history says that Admiral Cere, former head of the federation fleet, launched the entire war to cover up for his dubious brother’s mis-deeds. Many were shocked to hear that the federation, long thought to be a bastion of free will and courage was actually being led by the biggest tool in the shed, if you’ll permit us to use a colloquialism. What is not widely known, but is being revealed, is that it was actually the Union who were pulling the pirate’s strings.

Yes, sentients all, the accusations of being a “pirate faction” did not spring from the abyss. There are solid factual events that underly those cries. And Usube II, or the events underlying it, are one of them. The Admiral’s pirate brother was actually testing technology for the Union (!!) when it malfunctioned and decimated the planet. As a newly reformed faction, the Union understood that blame needed shifted, and did so admirably with the help of the admiralty. As the other saying goes “history is written by the victors.” And, with the Empire triumphant, the Union abandoned Admiral Cere to his fate. The Empire was convinced that Cere had acted out of familial loyalty, and never inquired into the motivations underlying the pirate’s acts.

Now, we have seen a new war, launched precipitously by the Union against a faction against which they *know* that they cannot be victorious. Yet the Union flung itself into this war with reckless abandon, drawing the attention of the entire universe away from everyday life. Meteor showers in numbers greater than ever before in recorded history have been ignored. Otherwise prominent news entries have been swallowed up by the war. And the aperture crept closer with few pilots noticing. Once we did notice, it was too late. The Union’s tactics, thought laughable by many, have only been a diversion. Doom crept closer every minute, and we ignored it, gaily chattering about the inexperience of that faction.

The Union has played us for fools, sentients all. And they have prevailed in it. Cere’s weapon, thought destroyed in the scorching of Usube, has been activated, and the aperture is the result. Only the combined might of the factions can save us from the horrors that are sure to be unleashed. If we are not successful, the federation and the empire will become footnotes in history. And the Don will laugh.

The Tiacken Tribune Presents! (Tribune Staff)

#30 - Space Cowboy — Space Cowboy has earned himself a reputation of pure sacrifice and dedication to his fellow alliance members. Since he has been taken under the wing of Lord Steel and a few other Old Timers of SG, he has made a name for himself. His true legend begins with an attack on a Mebsuta Federation Starbase, owned by Hidra, that the Guard had been hired to remove. As part of the Imperial contingent of the Guard, Space Cowboy was called upon to destroy the base. However, midway through the attack, Hidra realized what was happening and quickly switched factions to deter Cowboy from continuing. Once the attack was stopped, Hidra was contacting groups to come to his base’s defense. He did not reckon with the pure bull-headedness exhibited by Space Cowboy, who simply grabbed the crimson lapels on his shoulders with a slight look of regret and tore, hard, effectively relinquishing his Imperial Count rank. Minutes later, the base exploded. He has made countless kills and worked on OPs during the current war. One of his biggest achievements is his single-handed defeat of Warbird, which stunned all pilots Imperial and Union alike!

#29 - Umballer — Umballer is one of the silent forces behind the Empire, and also one of the major driving forces behind Daboo Corp. His involvement in the Imperial headquarters was instrumental in making the Imperial coordination what it is today. Though this write has not seen his combat skills recently, his intrafactional diplomatic skills are among the elite in Pardus. It is this, more than anything else, that earned him his spot on the list.

#28 - Blackstone — Now one of the most powerful imperial warriors, Blackstone’s career initially didn’t point in that direction. After starting out on Rashkan, he moved to the FHC to get his Babel transporter. In the search for a good building location, he found Quinto Imperio - the alliance he would call home for a long time. At the time, leadership of QI had just been handed over from Orsan to Quallie. Blackstone quickly assumed a position of leadership in QI and was one of the lead figures in their move into the West Pardus Rim. At a point, he also changed his allegiance from the Federation to the Empire. While in the WPR, QI encountered many of the more “colourful” figures in Pardus history, including Bobo and the infamous sector stripminer Launch (whose dictionary of speling remains legendary to the current day).

QI frequently clashed with their Mooninite neighbors, eventually leading to QI and Blackstone taking a key role in the Fall of Beethti. During the 2nd Usube war, Blackstone remained neutral and the protector of QI’s neutrality. After the war, Blackstone left QI for the first time to found (with others) the mercenary alliance Legend. In the first Empire/Union war, Blackstone joined the Empire front for the first time officially, making many Onions cry in the process.

We at the Tribune also remember Blackstone for shooting down Eldritch while he was on a sector mapping tour. Good job from the staff! (even though our editor might think differently)

#27 - Alathaniel — Alathaniel is one of those pilots rarely seen in the news but who is still a serious player in most major conflicts. Before the first Usube war, he served as the Triad sector manager for Epsilon Eridani. During the first Usube war, he was instrumental for building up the MO wall securing the FHC from imperial aggression for the first time. After the regrettable retirement of Admiral Ayanari, Alathaniel also became the military CO of Triad.

His great time came during the second Usube war, where he was part of most major battlefields in and near the NPR. While he had a bad start when the federal fleet was massacred in Enaness, his fortunes soon changed. His most important victory was the fall of Ghorahkhar in Sargas, where he and Wildfire from Red Cell fielded one of the greatest squadron forces Pardus has seen to this day, and delivered a killing blow to the starbase defended by Ghorahkhan and Evilpenguin.

#26 - Meanguy — Today known as the face of the Imperial Guard, Meanguy started out as a trader in the southern Empire Ska’ari core. He joined the ranks of the Space Monkeys who had at the time set up their operations in and around Kenlada - an economy he operated for more than a year (little known facts: the Space Monkeys also were home to one of your favorite admirals at a point. Guess who it is?).

At some point, he grew tired of his trader life and went on to found the Imperial Guard together with the long-lost Imperius Blackheart. Up to today, he remains the longest serving Guardsman.

#25 - Warbird — One of the most potent imperial fighter pilots and also the Empire’s greatest war hero in the Union/Empire war. Warbird initially joined the ranks of the Federation where he quickly grew disappointed with the leadership and lack of military prowess. This caused him to leave for the Empire. Well, that and to get the ridiculously awesome PASC…a ship who’s controversial design changes are nearly as legendary as this pilot. Since then, he served with several alliances but ultimately found a home with P.A.C.K.

His favorite hobbies are skilling and killing. And some more skilling. And some more killing. Sometimes he does both things at the same time, e.g. when someone dares to shoot at his beloved Zs.

His motto and favorite quote: “Faster!”.

#24 - Reimer — As a co-leader of the Soul Reapers, Reimer’s bound to be a controversial figure in our universe. After leaving POTWOR alongside Cereal Killer and agreeing to found the Reapers, Reimer realized that he found another in a long line of loves in the universe — the cleansing of souls. This joins the list of beer, bacon, Keldon dancing girls, and, of course, The Imperial Paladins, which is widely regarded to be Reimer’s favorite group of pilots in the universe.

Rumour has it that Reimer is the secret guru of the cult that recently lead to the improvement of the Federation < -> Union relations. Insiders call it “The Church of Bacon”. The Tribune is investigating…

#23 - Eldritch — Eldritch. The man. The myth. The legend! And I am of course not speaking so highly of my editor because he is standing just behind me with a trans-dimensional Keldonian Pan-Blaster. It doesn’t worry me at all that this gun (which is outlawed in 97 star systems) will redistribute the molecules of my body into 9 different dimensions should Eldritch feel a slight itch in the finger.

He started out with the Triad, but quickly found that the big alliances and Eldritch simply don’t fit together. Hence he left and made his ways into the neutral zones where he joined the ranks of the Tiacken Slave Traders. He was quickly promoted into the position of the “Overseer,” a position that was second in power only to the Slavemaster, Brackard. He received on several occasions medals for “cruel and unusual ways of slave punishment.” Rumors that the fearsome war donkeys of the Imperial Guard were tested on Eldritch’s slaves prior to the first Usube war remain unconfirmed to the current day.

After his time with TST, Eldritch went on to found CASH to rid the universe once and for all of the great devil that is the harrier. Alas, the universe didn’t understand the incredible danger the harrier poses for the mind of its pilot, which is why CASH was disbanded after some time again. He then went on to found the Pardus Order of the Temple with Evilpenguin, an alliance dedicated to rid the universe of the demons that frequently haunt pilots of our universe, turning them into the most horrible creature known to man (lizard-, crab-) kind: The Muppet. Even though both founding members have left TPOT, they still remain united in the spirit of the Temple. Eldritch left TPOT for Legend, claiming that with this name, the alliance must’ve been set up just for him.

Eldritch is also known for a great deal of different activities throughout the Universe. He was the one to continue the legacy of Cassandra Aegwynn, maintaining the then only complete map of the Universe for a long time. Most of his current fame stems from his position as the editor-in-chief of the Tiacken Tribune that he inherited from Brackard.

(Author note: Can I get a pay raise now? Please?)

#22 - Barchu — Barchu. A Prince, a leader and one mean ranker. A Conglomite for his entire career, Barchu has held the post of Conglomo’s military commander in the past and now holds the post of Triumvirate along with Aetheris and Lerain, making up Conglomo’s new leadership. He was the first pilot ever to achieve a medal for killing Space Crystals and is ranked the 30th most experienced pilot in the universe. His ranking skills are legendary, with 178 missions completed in a single ranking run, 266 missions in one day and 431 completed within the space of 32 hours.

So even though Barchu is known little outside of Empire space, the Tribune suggests a good look at his stats to all pilots that feel inclined to shoot neutrals during a faction war. He is A Very Good Reason not to do so, at least if you value your health, your ship and don’t really like the interiors of a cloning vat.

#21 - Ghoul — Ghoul is the epitome of the noble Rashkir warrior. After starting out on Rashkan, he quickly moved to the Empire, since the continuous infighting of the Empire alliances gave him more opportunities to improve and test his skills in combat. His great time came during the second Usube war, where he messed with the best and came out on top most of the times. For his valor in combat and willingness to sacrifice, he was awarded the Empire’s Fearless Heart award after the end of the war. After serving with Legend for a considerable time, Ghoul took a sabbatical to get back to his roots…that is, fighting and killing union pilots in the name of the Emperor.

And so we enter rarified air! The Top 20 remain!! Did you make the list!!!!!???

Seeking Talent

And this time we won’t make you dance for Reimer! Unless you’re a Keldon dancing girl…in that case…it’s your job.

Tribune is seeking strong writers (or would-be writers in need of tutelage) to compose some solid news! I know you’re out there…don’t make me come and find you!