The Tiacken Tribune

CAT Speaks Once Again - Dinner Time!!!

Hello Organic Creatures…

This time, I prefer not to comment on the atrocious “qualities” of the human race (or of any other race, for that matter). This time, I prefer to speak of a more day-to-day issue. In an attempt to make Eldritch stay here a little longer, and perhaps work a bit, I asked him what kinds of foods he would prefer me to synthesize. He said: “Hmm… Considering this is a news agency it should be something with onion rings and tomato sauce. Please publish whatever you come up with.” I don’t know why he thinks tomato sauce and onion rings are newsworthy, but here comes:

Vegetarian Tomato-And-Onion Pizza

1 lb Plum tomatoes
2 tb Olive oil
1 lb Onions; sliced
1 Garlic clove; minced
1/2 c Dry white wine
1 ts Rosemary
1 tb Olive puree
2 Pizza Crusts
1 ts Oregano

Preheat oven to 375F.

Wash tomatoes and cut off the stem ends. Cut into 1/3-inch lengthwise slices.

Heat oil in a non-stick saute pan and saute the onions over medium-high heat for about 5 minutes.

Add the garlic, white wine and rosemary and reduce heat to medium; cover and cook about 10 minutes or till liquid is mostly absorbed. Stir in the olive puree.

Spread the onion-olive mixture over the pizza. Place the tomato slices on top and brush with remaining olive oil. Sprinkle with oregano and bake.

Makes 2 Pizzas.

Have a nice mealtime,

-The Pardusian CAT

Letters from Tahssa - Part 3 - Sampling

To our great dismay, we found, upon asking, that the Bayer-Szell Prize Committee won’t accept our reasearch project, due to what they call “small sample size”. So, we started trawling the galactic forums, looking for other instances and symptoms of what we’re calling the Tahssa Syndrome (or the Muppet Syndrome. If you don’t know why, don’t ask) . Here are some of our preliminary findings. We’ll bring you some more next week. Please note that we checked and none of the authors of these quotes was posturing when they posted.

“Cation: Astroid feild is being blocked by space maggets and anyone without a weopan can not enter thr feild.Rustclaw 21,13″

“I dont want to use a ficon, i am looking at getting an interceptor. Either way, how do you know who i am, i dont know who you are?
Anyway, a horde of ficons with good laser probably could kill the cough*wimpy*cough federation anyway.”

“to put it simply we’re winning because Empire hax0rz and pwnz0rs
the Federation should be prepared”

“I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie I like pie”

Meet a Merc! - Sweetness (Zardoz, Managing Editor)

Editor’s Note: this interview was conducted just prior to the diplomatic decline, a few weeks ago, but we hadn’t gone to print yet, hence no *war* related questions, not that they could really be answered anyway.

TT: We’re here today, with the leader of MERC, Sweetness. Sweetness tell us about yourself to get started.

Sweetness: Well, I actually got started in Trade Federation with a group of pilots in the graduating class prior to mine, about 1 1/2 years ago. I was really just looking for nothing but a quiet place to trade and maybe explore and check out the different creatures of the universe.

TT: TF was in the NZ… when you first got started you headed straight out to the NZ?

Sweetness: Yes. I completed several missions for the Federation and earned my commission prior to going to the Neutral Zone. After reaching Corporal I left to find my fortune with my friends. I promptly found myself back in Rashkir however after being killed by Bobo on my incoming trip.

TT: Who hasn’t gotten killed by Bobo? That’s rhetorical, nevermind. so, you had friends in TF? Were they the ones that got you into being a pilot?

Sweetness: Actually yes. My husband passed through flight school roughly a year before I did along with Asteel and Capt Solo. His name was Ghost Stryker, retired quite some time ago though. I was sad to be separated from him but that is what happens when you have things left to do in the universe.

TT: oh, I remember Ghost Stryker… his name was active recently, wasn’t it? I try to keep an eye out for names of pilots who’ve sworn revenge upon me.

Sweetness: Yes, he briefly came out of retirement during a mid-life crisis and then again abruptly retired. I think his attention span is limited by an ancient earth computer game called “world of warcraft”. He finds it incredibly fascinating and sends me interstellar communications about his triumphs. I find the games a bit childish myself but eventually I will join him in retirement.

TT: Well, they had a saying back then… “You can’t give up on the world… of warcarft…”

—

TT: OK, here’s a couple of standard questions all our readers get nutty about… favorite trade ship?

Sweetness: My favorite trading ship was probably the Babel. It was my first accomplishment as a pilot and I was extremely proud of it. I still remember seeing the new ship in space dock and falling in love with it. I called it the same thing I have called every one of my ships. the “Sweet Kiss”.

TT: So how were your trading ships delivering a Sweet Kiss? seems like something like a fighter does… what’s your favorite combat ship?

Sweetness: Well, right now I am in teh Don’s service. I’ve held positions in every faction. My leaving the Empire was really a result of being sick with all of the infighting amongst the self proclaimed “imperial council” and the involvement of TSO in taking my friends home. I felt it wasn’t worth my time and as a mercenary I should have the best ship available. Hence my ranking for the Don in order to fly a Scorpion.

TT: Ah, the Scorpion… if only I could be a grinder… so, please explain how you think the Scorpion is superior. You think the scorpion is better than the Mooncrusher or Doomstar?

Sweetness: By far. I don’t think it they even compare in a combat situation. It is smaller and more compact than a Doomstar and doesn’t have the same fire power but is infinitely more survivable. A similar situation compared to the Mooncrusher though I think the MC is actually better in ambushes than a Doomstar. Mainly because of superior missiles.

TT: OK, if there is ONE pilot you really wanted to kill, who would it be? You can pick anyone.

Sweetness: I would have to say the pilot I would most like to kill would have to be Paradis, his deeds are legendary and I wouldn’t mind being part of that legend, although I never got to meet him. As for current pilots, I would love to fight the legendary Warbird, even though I would get podded I would do it just to learn some of the tactics he uses.

—

TT: OK, let’s talk about MERC and Leadership. You went from TF to MERC, to leader of MERC. How did all that happen?

Sweetness: I have been in MERC since August of last year. So about a year and a half. Finest group of fighter pilots in the universe. They are quick witted, follow orders to the T, and have unlimited potential. They are my family.

TT: Now, kevo being the toughest… why isn’t he the leader?

Sweetness: To be honest. I don’t think he wants it. I became leader a year ago. Kevo follows my orders to the T.

TT: What’s your favorite moment in MERC?

Sweetness: As a leader I would say the triumph over SG in Heze. As a whole I would have to say the same, though hunting Shwabrer was a load of fun.

TT: Tell us about the Heze Op.

Sweetness: I thought of the plan shortly after Walkingrazor decided semi-retirement was the way to go. He owned a Heze MO and it wouldn’t be upgraded and also wouldn’t be under the command stations watch since he was no longer SG (which he left when he went on his sabbatical). So with the idea that we weren’t going to take the nook I consulted Kevo on the needs for an MO assault and Ghorahkahn (our resident squad expert) on what was needed to take the SB and inventory and down the MO. I knew TM wasn’t to fond of SG and contacted him for interest and preliminary planning. My plan had 2 MO combat squads and 2 back up fighter squads. A total of 26 pilots in all. We acquired a few of my trader friends to fulfill logistical support and then we gathered in Heze. I thought for sure the gig was up though when several pilots whispered to us and wondered why we where in the area. The plan though was simple. First squad would attack the MO while second squad covered them from enemy fighters and both Fighter squads covered our retreat. We had one ambush breaker and I would like to thank Kryo for putting his life on the line to do it.

TT: So, you guys didn’t want to keep Heze?

Sweetness: It was never intended. My plan was a “Scorched Earth” operation.

TT: Why do MERC and SG fight?

Sweetness: To be honest, I don’t know the whole history of the SG/MERC conflict, but it doesn’t really matter, all I know is what they have done since I have known them.

TT: OK, sounds like that will go on a while. Anyway, what’s the worst thing about being in MERC?

Sweetness: There are inconveniences but they come with the job; Things like being timebombed during a ranking run and not having the person who did it show up so you can kill them. Stuff like that.

TT: Would you ever leave MERC?

Sweetness: I will be here until I retire.

TT: Now that MERC’s a neutral alliance, do you see it growing in size more?

Sweetness: We will be adding 2 more Scorpions in the coming month or two as well as another Pasc.

TT: If I were a new fighter and I wanted to be a mercenary, how would MERC be different from YOCL, SG, or Legend?

Sweetness: We limit our exposure to NAP’s to create more of a market for our talents. I would kill anyone for the right price.

TT: Who do you least like killing? Like, who do you want to give a hug to, even though you can’t?

Sweetness: I would say Lord Steel, I have the utmost respect for him and it saddens me that he looks down at MERC.

TT: so, maybe there’s a chance for reconciliation with SG?

Sweetness: We have talked… I think they are a bit mad at us right now but I think in the future it could happen.

TT: If MERC didn’t exist, what alliance would you most likely join?

Sweetness: Probably YOCL because of my relationship with Thornal. Plus Swami helped me a lot when I was first out of flight school. He helped me choose my first set up for my NHD. Although, I also like Zguby a lot. He is very funny and handsome. Has a lot of personality and common sense.

—

TT: Let’s talk about factions. You’ve been around. Where to next when you get tired of the Union?

Sweetness: Nowhere, I will be neutral.

TT: What do you think about the ability for the upper ranks to affect the state of war between factions?

Sweetness: After I left the Fed and then more so after my departure from the empire I have decided faction loyalty isn’t what it should be. Mostly an excuse for people to make money. Because of that I will be staying out of faction events unless paid to be there.

Thanks to Sweetness for this glimpse into MERC. Stay tuned as our Meet a Merc series continues with representatives from the other major mercenary alliances!

The Tiacken Tribune Presents! (Tribune Staff)

Welcome back all! We proudly present the next segment in our top 100 series. Stay tuned as it winds down, and see how many of the pilots on here you know! Alternatively, keep watching to see if YOU made our list!!

60 Aykeem — Aykeem prefers to be addressed under his official title, the Grandmaster of the Doorknob. The unusually tall, slim Ska’ari is a well known bounty hunter, a valiant fighter for his faction but most of all, he’s the one to ask about doorknobs.

59 Aiden Winree — Aiden Winree is the long time leader of GUA. In that position he also nearly caused a collective heart attack within his dear alliance by accidentally transferring GUA’s leadership to The Hungry One (today known as A Hustla), who had just joined GUA for some diplomatic work because, well, his own alliance, The Hive Citizens, were at war with GUA just a few days before. The irony of the whole thing - the whole thing happened while Aiden wanted to kick The Hungry One from the alliance, but made a mistake due to the clumsy interface of the Alliance Command System.

When trying to reach the User Interface designer at Nanosoft Corp. we were told that the unfortunate guy is regrettably unreachable at the moment. Rumor has it he’s found his true purpose in life as target practice for Darkness and the other GUA PASCs…

58 Prixter — Prixter has seen them all - no really he has. He started out in the Empire where he soon found himself rather unhappy with the somewhat more mindboggling policies of The Imperial Order of the Blessed Shadow (better known as TSO to most). After some time with the Federation he found that his real place is with the then newly emerged Union.

He is also the author of the closely guarded, now legendary Prixter’s Guide to Ranking. Do not ask him about it - he simply won’t give it to you. No, not even to you with that really cute smile and the low cut shirt. Believe us, we tried it…

57 ScorpioVI — The Leader of the Blue Sun corporation (that brought to Pardus one of the nicest maps out there), ScorpioVI is known as a great fighter but also as a trusted alliance leader. Our readers might notice, that he is not as outspoken as some other alliance leaders in the forums - that’s because he believes in doing things through action, not by words

56 Ghearaz Fezdan — Another long-time member of the Imperial Guard, Ghearaz Fezdan is widely considered to be a positive role-model for every imperial citizen. He is the best example that in a Universe such as ours everything is possible - he is a great politician while still being honourable and honest both in words and action.

55 Ginea — A long time trader and leader of P.O.T.W.O.R, Ginea has come a long way from her first days at the flight academy in Ska. Born human, Ginea quickly rose through the ranks of the Empire and was a long-serving member of the Imperial Guard, where her skill with The Whip(TM) still is legendary. Nowadays, she flies the colours of the Soul Reapers and likely continues her quest to rid the universe of all muppets.

Considering that the number of muppets in our Universe is sadly still in a state of exponential growth, we fear that this might be a futile quest - but a fun one nevertheless.

54 Zguby — Another well-known hunter in our list. Zguby started out with the Soul Reapers and became one of the founding members of Legend. In his faction, the Empire, he has the ungrateful role of the advocatus diaboli, which has earned him the respect (but regrettably also the spite) of many.

53 Wildfire — This Mistress of Red Cell entered the spotlight during the Fall of Beethi, when she commanded the Trader Fleet that proved crucial in the destruction of the Mooninite Stronghold. After a brief time with the Scorpion Guard she returned to Red Cell and has led it since then. A commander of great skill and dedication, she is admired by her friends and respected by her enemies. Rumor is that she has a penchant for gambling, and can be found goading her Behemoth pilots into games of Pardus Roulette.

52 Kit — One of the great hunters of Pardus, Kit was one of the first pilots to achieve the rank of an Imperial Marquis. He valiantly fought during all three faction wars for the Empire, once for the Imperial Guard, once for the Emperor’s Claw, and now currently. In the meantime, he’s likely doing what he’s best at - so keep a close watch on the GNN killboards.

51 Aerre — Aerre’s career is by all means impressive; Leading the Imperial Paladins, serving with the Imperial Guard and now being among the ranks of the Pardus Order of the Temple are but a few of his remarkable stations in life. While staying with the Scorpion Guard, he proved that you can actually achieve royalty while having a vacation at the same time - a brave (or dumb) federal rookie bumped his ship into Aerre’s Liberator, causing him to be promoted to the rank of an Imperial Prince for his valiant wartime efforts.

Stay tuned, the top 50 are coming soon!