Issue #55
Monday, February 20th, 2006Circle of Enlightened: Saviors of the Oppressed or Brutal Killers?
It started as a joke. A catch-22, designed to test two members of the Circle of Enlightened. It turned into one of the most savage crimes we had ever witnessed in our long tenure at the Tiacken Tribune. Circle of Enlightened is an alliance that purports to be about rescuing slaves, destroying illegal buildings, and stopping the drug trade. We, the Tiacken Slave Traders, decided to give them a chance to prove their mettle.
Thus began our experiment. We chose 2 VERY lucky slaves and teleported them onto separate ships (Hawks, to be exact) orbiting an unnamed class-M planet. For those of you who have never tried your hand at slave trading, it’s a hard business. The only planets that accept slaves generally are Class D. Of course, if the slave isn’t careful following their release, they will be sold back into slavery. On other planets, the Black Market is the only place where slaves are welcomed. The rest of the population shuns them like the plague (with good reason, as many slaves are disease-ridden).
We were curious to see what CoE would do with the newly liberated slaves they had received. As far as I could see, there were two choices. First, sell the slave to the Black Market. Second, fly to the local D and release the slave, hoping that they would make their way to freedom. I assumed, based of the Circle’s distaste for the Black Market, that a trip one sector to the Northwest was forthcoming. I was wrong. Mere seconds after the slaves had been transported, we watched, amazed as an airlock opened in the Hawks and the slaves were jettisoned, mercilessly, into space. Ten seconds later they were dead.
What was the Circle of Enlightened thinking? Hyuga del Piero, once leader of the Circle, claimed that the Circle’s vow of never profiting from slaves required this messy death. Wow…some saviors… Given the choice, this reporter is of the opinion that a reasonable slave would much rather be taken by us, the Tiacken Slave Traders. At least they have a chance to prove themselves in the Gladiatorial Games. If successful, there is at least a chance that they will be set free.
Clearly, a galactic inquiry into the Circle of Enlightened is in order. Now all we need to do is infiltrate them, which leaves only one question remaining. Where did I put that mask?
This Week in the Empire
MeanGuy, Imperial Guardsman and editor of “This Week in the Empire,” has added a member to his news team. Who? Tribune insiders were surprised to discover that our own nickpan had defected! While the Tribune is, of course, shocked and outraged over this transgression, we have to congratulate MeanGuy for his impeccable taste in publishers. Readers of the propagandist tabloid will surely notice the stunning new graphics courtesy of nickpan. If not, and if you want a better grasp of what’s going on in Empire space, find your local vendor of “This Week in the Empire,” and learn all about how to tell male and female Ska’ari apart!
An Interview With Minimal Bob
Eldritch, editor of the Tiacken Tribune, waited patiently in the waiting room. The leader of the depantology movement was supposed to have met him here half an hour ago, and there was still no sign from him.
Eldritch checked his watch, and sipped at his drink. This was unacceptable. He was going to miss his deadline. “Damn.”
Two hours (and several martinis) later, Eldritch left. This was going to be a disappointing issue…
He was sure Minimal Bob had an explanation. Eldritch really hoped it was a good one.
Death to the Z-16!
Tiacken Tribune reporters are surprised to learn that the Z-16 may no longer be the top-dog in the universe. After demolishing many of the universe’s best and brightest pilots, one man, one slaver, has taken personal offense at these creatures. Eight z-16 drones have been killed thus far, and Prophet, TST enforcer, has been personally responsible for four of those. Tribune reporters know for a fact that he was greatly responsible for at least 1 more (though didn’t take credit for the kill). Good job Prophet! You’re doing the universe proud!
On a related note, rumors began to spread early this morning about the sighting of a z-16 fighter. While the sighting has not yet been confirmed, and the circumstances were highly suspect (the pilot had ingested 30 units of top-quality, Lahola drugs), the Tribune vows to get to the bottom of this mystery.
Announcements: Invisible Sun
Rumors abound this week that the owner of Invisible Sun, the fifth largest Starbase in the universe, may be considering selling. Located near 4 of the largest planets in the universe, the Starbase boasts an amazing array of amenities, and is a major center of trade in the South Pardus Rim. It is rumored that the owner, Elric, will not be willing to part with the base for under 10 million credits, but some estimates have suggested that 15-20 million would be more in the range of a victorious bid. This, however, is all hearsay. The Tribune promises to keep you, our readers, informed as the situation unfolds. Interested parties should, however, contact Elric as soon as possible.
Announcements: CASH
CASH (the Campaign Against Stupid Harriers) is once again seeing a membership increase as pilots across the universe join hands in their utter loathing of the pelicanesque ship. CASH spokescreatures have intimated that the time is almost at hand when the pilots foolish enough to have made the Harrier their ship of choice will be forced to choose between switching out of the ship and being sent home with a massive repair bill. As always, monetary donations to the cause are welcome. Credits or checks made out to CASH will get the job done!
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