Issue #50
Monday, January 16th, 2006There are times when journalistic responsibility outweighs everything else. This is not one of these times. So, after careful consideration, we present this week’s issue of the Tiacken Tribune. We should also note that this week’s issue contains articles by several individual pilots and would like to extend a hearty “thank you” to those contributors.
Conflict in Urhoho (by anonymous)
Jackal’s destruction earlier this week caused quite a few repercussions for his alliance. A member of the Guard has been kind enough to update the Tribune as to the goings on in Scorpion Guard’s home sector of Urhoho, from his point of view.
It all began when Jackal said something in the forums. Few know what he said, but it must have been bad, for he was destroyed. Thus disappeared one of the greatest pilots in the universe, and with him, one of the greatest Military Outposts.
We rushed to replace it, but LadyAliara’s MO just wasn’t strong enough. Its modules were destroyed, and several fighters flew into Urhoho - Delphiki, Micah, and eddy are the ones I know of. There was also Micah’s Bomber squadron. They began to raid our DACs. Spidermanonfire attacked Delphiki, who attacked daskdd, and died. I’m not sure what happened to Micah, but the others escaped and began to destroy LA’s MO.
A few other SG fighters (namely Orsan, Kahldar, caodalama, RougeSquatter, Zouron, and Darmani - might have missed someone) rushed to Urhoho to defend it, as more foes arrived. We tried to ambush, but eddy kept on forcing us to retreat to the Usube/Urhoho wormhole. Eddy killed Spidermanonfire and Orsan. Arjunsr built an MO where our old one was. I saw eddy and Thornal Malat guarding it. With romanu out of the fight (engine trouble and exhaustion) I decided to undertake a daring action. I flew around the MO, attacked Thornal Malat and ran like hell for Usube as eddy came in for the kill. I repaired and came back again. I foolishly decided to go for 40 this time. But eddy and Thornal Malat counterattacked me before I was able to retreat. I suddenly found myself back on Earth, just as Zouron and caodalama created a second line of MOs to seal most of the sector. Over the night, that MO was beefed up.
I woke up to the sound of a massive real-time communication conversation to find that little action had happened. Friendly fighters streamed into Usube, while traders shuttled drugs in from Urhoho. Among our number were SG, some RL, TSO, PACK, some IG, and (rumor has it) Doombringer. Our former casualties all arrived back in the sector, and were fed drugs. I looked in the public communications and found that arjunsr was likely to wake up in two hours, having an artificial daylight cycle two hours behind mine. With Stephen needing to sleep soon, we decided to attack the MO immediately.
Defences included 1 Medium Missile Turret, 12 Avengers, and arjunsr. However, there was no tractor beam. Our drugged up fighters ran to the MO and all simultaneously attacked with guns and missiles. The low-skilled arjunsr quickly died. With our many fighters, we soon took out the MMT and 5 avengers., but not before ghalen died to 4 missiles, and Orsan and Sheridon The rest were weakened. With few fighters left with who weren’t utterly spent, we waited for more to arrive. It was a short wait. Soon the defences were gone. Our traders rushed in to destroy the MO. But eddy arrived to guard it. However, he collapsed from exhaustion and realized that discretion is sometimes the best course. He soon left, leaving us to destroy the MO, and to replace it.
The situation has currently deteriorated for SG with the arrival of MERC, who removed the remaining SG defenses. SG is currently attempting to plan a counterattack.
Many other pilots were puzzled by the sudden influx of fighters into the West Pardus Rim. Here is an entry from Amazon Jim, a trading pilot who hoped to settle in the WPR.
It was just a peaceful night out for dinner and drinks…it seemed as though gravity had increased; but no. It was over 16 Hawks in orbit. Holy shnitzoos! My co-pilot was so afraid he didn’t have to leave for the bathroom to use it…just to change his pants. What could all those ships be doing? I was certain the meeting would turn out badly, just as bad as my last couple days re-growing hair in places the cloning vats were a little slow to produce. I wanted to make this my home world…as a trader, but with so many fighters in dock…this could not be good.
We kept track of the number of ships and alliances present - the amount of money and especially experience in the sector was nearly immeasurable. Some of the few included:
- aykeem - Scorpion Guard
- Baart - M.E.R.C.
- Blackstone - Quinto Imperio
- daskdd - Scorpion Guard
- Delphiki
- dipstick
- Edgar
- Fiona - M.E.R.C.
- ghalen - Scorpion Guard
- HattieJ
- Huba - M.E.R.C.
- irrerivan - Famous Pirate
- Kelthar - The Imperial Guard
- Kevorkian - M.E.R.C.
- Kolzig - Extinction Agenda
- lost - Quinto Imperio
- Stephen - The Shadow Order
- Themistocle - Free Trade Syndicate
- Thorn - The Shadow Order
- Winston - Mooninites
- Wuja Martinez - M.E.R.C.
Is the future safe for traders in the West Rim Neutral Zone? Only time will tell.
Berserk! (By Eldritch, with the assistance of Dragaurang and nickpan)
Nickpan, former head of the defunct Pirate alliance, went crazy after reading last week’s Tribune. Outraged that Thornal Malat has appeared in the past three issues, nickpan decided that enough was enough. He would make his own news. And make news he did. Nickpan’s name was plastered all over GNN as he destroyed 6 pilots in 6 minutes. Nickpan broke for lunch and a nap, and then went to work again, destroying several more pilots. Whether nickpan plans on continuing his murderous rampage remains to be seen.
In related news, Dr. A Gaurang, one of the zombie demons of mutant enemy, also rampaged earlier in the week, also killing 6 pilots in 6 minutes. The two former pirates seem to have a sort of unofficial competition going to see who can destroy the most random federation pilots. Preliminary reports indicate that the good doctor was seeking human brains. This reporter feels that it is important for Dr. A Gaurang to remember that human intestines are the only edible internal organ traded openly on the market, and that his tastes might be better served if he violated Keldon space for a while.
The Tribune apologizes to all of those killed for prompting those actions, and for rewarding the pirates by publishing his story. Actually, we don’t really care. Our lawyers have guaranteed that you can’t touch us.
The Trap that Wasn’t (by Brackard)
The infamous graveyard shift was already halfway over when Brackard finally arrived back at Legion Enclave. As much as he wanted to call it a day, there were still a few issues that needed to be resolved. The walk to his office seemed a bit longer than usual and he did receive a few strange looks from the crabs working the third shift.
Brack sighed as he entered his office. It was the same disaster it was when he left two days ago. The rumors that an ‘office fairy’ came around and organized everyone’s office were obviously untrue. Brackard kicked off his boots and sat down. Somewhere in this mess were the routing numbers for the shipments heading towards the project tomorrow.
Project Ophiuchi. A safe haven for the Tiacken Slave Traders. Free from pirates, free from bounty hunters, and free from the just plain curious. An insane amount of resources had been poured into this project, and for as large as it was, it had gone amazingly well. Oh sure, there had been a few shipments that were shorted, a few shipments that been snagged by local pirates, a few delayed shipments, a few drivers that had left with their cargo and had to be hunted down, caught, and given a ‘lesson’ or two in how to read a map – but all in all, the project had gone more smoothly than could have been imagined. Brackard fell asleep with his feet on the desk and a content smile on his face.
Brackard woke with a start as the intercom beeped in.
“Captain, this is the Outpost Alpha, we’ve just confirmed that Elona’s ship was destroyed behind the MO wall in Ophiuchi.”
Brackard tried to clear his head. That was a lot to take out of a deep sleep. Best he recalled, the entire area had been swept before the MO’s had been activated…and based on Elona’s last known location, that pirate had been trapped!
Brackard tapped into his comm.: “Outpost Alpha, what ship signature did we catch back there?”
There was a few seconds of silence before the comm. returned “The signatures match one pilot Gelt”
Gelt. The name didn’t really ring a bell, but that didn’t say anything. A word out to Eldritch and the lines of communication with other alliances began to hum. It took half the morning, but the information that came back was very interesting. Gelt looked to be a very skilled pilot and had a history with several bounty hunting alliances. Having him trapped behind the MO walls made TST very popular. Several people had a thing against Gelt and would love to have him trapped and waiting for a pod.
Despite the tragic death to Elona, it could all be a blessing in disguise. Brackard tapped into his comm. “Eld, have Corba ready my ship, I’m on my way to the project.”
An hour later, Brackard docked at one of the massive constructions. Seeing an outpost up close was not really a pleasant experience – even if it was one of his own. He quickly made his way up to the observation deck where the Outpost lead and his team awaited.
“Do we have a video feed on this attack?”
One of the attending officers quickly chirped in. “Yes, sir, ready and waiting.”
“Let’s see it.”
A large scale console at the front of the room began a taped video feed. A sleek looking ship came into view and got larger as the ship came closer. Brackard frowned.
“Is that the front of the outpost?!?”
“Yes sir.”
The ship slipped by, shouting something at the outpost as he flew by. The view clicked off to another view, apparently the rear of the outpost as the ship flew around the area. It found Elona’s ship docked to her building behind the protective wall and proceeded to obliterate her hybrid ship. There was no doubt that the automatic defenses of her ship were no match for the skill and weaponry of Gelt’s ship. After another few minutes of scouting the area, the ship flew, once again, past the outposts and into mainstream Ophiuchi – looking for his next victim. The view clicked off.
Brackard stared at the screen dumbfounded – mouth wide open. When realization of what happened finally caught up with him, he looked over at the lieutenant who was in charge of the station.
“You just let a strange ship into restricted TST area. You realize that’s a capital offense.”
“Your orders sir, have it right here – let anyone through who isn’t on this list”
“He shouted obscenities about your mother while he passed.”
“Your orders sir, have it right here – let anyone through who isn’t on this list”
“He just tore up one of OUR SHIPS and you let him out!!”
“Your orders sir, have it right here – let anyone through who isn’t on this list”
Brackard sighed. His station was manned by morons. What he wouldn’t give to take every Ska’ari and toss them into one BIG pot and have a galactic wide crab-boil….
“Well, congratulations Lt, you’ve earned a promotion to slave detail for doing what I told you to do as opposed to what I wanted you to do. Congratulations!”
As the Lieutenant was led out of the room Brackard called up Eldritch to have him cancel any possible aid that was on its way. Well, it looks like the easy part was over. Now the hard part.
He had to confront Elona…
A talk with the Mooninites (Eldritch)
The Mooninites are one of the galaxy’s most maligned and aggressive alliances. The Tribune has attempted several times to interview their leaders or senior members, but are always met with refusal. All that changed this week when a Tribune reporter, on vacation at the South Jersey Shore, Earth, Sol sector, ran into Ignignokt the former leader of the Mooninites. The reporter, always eager for an extra credit, took the chance to interview the willing former Mooninite in hopes of selling it to the galactic tabloids. So, the Tribune is proud to present this: our interview with Ignignokt and his sycophant, Err (not the same Err, as the pilot who replaced him).
Tribune: Hello.
Inignot: Hello, Eldritch, I am Inignot, and this is Err.
Err: I am Err!
Inignot: We are Mooninites from the inner core of the Moon.
Err: You said it right!
Inignot: Our race is hundreds of years beyond yours.
Err: Man, you hear what he’s sayin’?
Inignot: Some would say that the Earth is our moon.
Err: We’re the Moon!
Inignot: But that would belittle the name of our Moon, which is the Moon.
Err: Point is, we’re at the center, not you!
Tribune: Let me first say thank you for granting us an interview. Now, onto the questions. What separates you from the rest of the universe? What makes the Mooninites special?
Inignot: Our culture has advanced beyond all you can comprehend with 100% of your brain.
Tribune: Really? What’s so advanced about it?
Inignot: Well, for 1 thing, the moon has 1/3 less gravity than Earth. I don’t know if you can understand that, but our vertical leap is beyond all measurement. (A few moments passed) Err! Help me explain our advanced ways.
Err: Have you mentioned the spelling?
Inignot: Yes, we are excellent spellers. Challenge me.
Err: Challenge us both!
Tribune: Uh… that’s ok. It won’t be necessary.
Inignot: Heh. You and your third dimension…
Tribune: What about it?
Inignot: On nothing, it’s cute. We have 5.
Err: Th-Thousand.
Inignot: Yes, Five Thousand.
Err: Don’t question it.
Tribune: Oh yeah? I only see two.
Inignot: Well that sounds like a personal problem.
Tribune: Okay. So, what are your views on the current religions permeating our universe?
Inignot: We are full of religion now. Everyone, please - bow your heads, and pretend to be serious.
Tribune: And what can you tell us about your beliefs?
Inignot: Our god is a god of vengeance, a god of hate.
Err: A god of action
Inignot: Our god is an Indian who can turn into a wolf and –
Err: Dude, that’s Wolfen
Inignot: Yes, well, Wolfen will come after you. With his razor.
Tribune: So, Inignot, why were you removed from your leadership position at the head of the Moonites?
Err: He got busted man.
Inignot: For drinking and stealing and smoking in a non-smoking area.
Tribune: All right. We at the Tiacken Tribune would like to extend our deepest thanks for this interview. Before we wrap it up, is there anything you would like to say to the current leader of your alliance?
Inignot: (flipping the bird) I hope he can see this, ’cause I’m doing it as hard as I can.
Announcements:
Bird the III recently defeated his 200th pilot. We at the Tribune would like to congratulate Bird the III and beg him to stay as far away from us as possible!
Can a Starbase be cursed? Not just unprofitable. Not just poorly managed. Actually cursed? Is it possible? The history of the Invisible Sun Starbase in sector GM 4-572 suggests that the answer is yes. In less than 2 months, Invisible Sun has transferred ownership no less than four times because of unfortunate happenings involving the owner. How long the new owners hold out is anyone’s guess.
Newswires buzzed this week when it was reported that a coalition of Ye Olde Cany Lords and MERC had taken down romanu. This is reportedly romanu’s first defeat since last March. Thornal Malat, who by now must have the record for number of consecutive times mentioned in the Tribune, recorded the kill.
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