Issue #51
Monday, January 23rd, 2006
This week saw a lot of action around the galaxy. Fortunately, this reporter, for the most part, was in the thick of things. This week also saw many interviews. It took a lot of travel, spanning much of the universe, but the Tribune was able to track down several alliance leaders or Public Relations representatives. We hope that you enjoy this, the one-year anniversary edition of the Tiacken Tribune!
The Long Day
The Triad’s growth continues unchecked, currently reaching over 120 pilots in the Federation. I made my way first into Federation space, having some Neutral Zone goods to sell, and decided to take the opportunity to attempt to speak with the man behind the Triad. I was advised that the Admiral was in a temper, and shouldn’t be bothered, especially by someone so insignificant as a Tribune editor. I attempted to explain that I, like so many others, had once been a member of his alliance, but the recruit manning the desk was hearing none of it. Instead, I was referred to Ovest, the Triad’s Director of Recruiting.
Ovest’s office was enormous. Mahogany bookshelves lined the walls, and a massive cherry wood desk stood in the center. A stack of new applications as big as most alliances teetered on one edge. I entered and sat.
“Hello, Ovest, thank you for seeing me.”
Ovest checked her schedule, and looked at me. “I don’t see you on this….”
I brushed that aside. The Tribune has a strict anti-schedule policy. “What are the Triad’s goals?”
Ovest looked at me. “The Triad seeks to establish a strong economic presence in the sectors in which it operates. We develop new sectors as we grow.”
”Why do so many new recruits choose the Triad?”
”The expansion of the Triad was fueled by the willingness of its senior members to share their knowledge and experience with the new arrivals. Nothing is more satisfying than seeing a new pilot step into the captain’s chair of a babel in half the time it took yourself. Some of our governors boast that this can be done in three weeks. A few alliances look down at federation graduates, but many were stunned to see recruit David Jones blow up tele-robber Duploman’s Drug Station in Sol. The building had barely been there for twenty-four hours and bang, the glow of e-matter lasted for weeks.”
”What does it take to succeed in your alliance? Any advice for the new pilots?”
”I would say the main factor would be thinking about the team before yourself. Helping out your teammates will earn you respect and reap huge benefits in the future. Today’s new members will be tomorrow’s leaders.”
”How did you manage to win the race to become the largest alliance, and how did you accelerate your growth afterwards to become the first alliance with 100 members?”
”It goes back to when the Triad was reorganized. The long absence of our leader Smoke had taken its toll, we were in shambles, our numbers were dwindling by the week. Atrellium had proven his worth to all of Pardus (remember that MO blocking access to the SDQ). Those of us who had decided to stay asked him to lead us. A few weeks later he asked me to head recruiting, with Epic as my assistant. We worked tirelessly but soon enough we started to see results. Many new pilots joined our alliance, but we were also delighted to have established pilots such as Cookie join us. I must emphasize that no one person can take credit for this achievement, it was truly a team effort.”
”Where will the Triad go from here?”
”That is a question that the senior members are always debating. We will continue to grow by leaps and bounds. We’re listed under TRD on the Federation Securities Board if anyone is interested in a solid long-term investment.”
“I hear rumors that Atrellium is bored and looking to start a war. How has this affected the Triad’s day to day operations?”
Ovest looked at me in surprise and glanced toward the Admiral’s office. “There are…rumors that there is some illicit machinery hidden in the walls of the Captain’s mess in Doomstar’s. Some of this machinery is rumored to have evolved and escaped on its own. In any case the only change I’ve noticed in the Admiral is a sudden eye twitch. Triads are not too sure what day to day operations are anymore, it’s kind of hard to tell day from night in space.”
I thanked Ovest for the interview and hoped that she wouldn’t be too hard on the Private that let me in. Leaving her office, I made my way back to my ship and on to my next destination.
I headed back towards the South Pardus Rim – I had heard rumors about major pirate activity in that section of the universe, and pirates always make good news. In my attempt to reach home, I ingested a few tons of drugs. I passed out and woke up surrounded by explosions of nothingness. My initial thought was that I had overdosed and died. Then I noticed that I had company. Okami and Liquid, of Principia Discordia, were looking at me. Actually, Okami was composing an ode to the color fuschia, and Liquid was passed out on the floor near what appeared to be a large umbrella. I decided that this was a rare opportunity to interview these Erisian popes on their own terms, and jumped right in.
“Hey guys! Fancy seeing you here.”
They blinked at me.
“ Okay. Right on. Could you tell me a little about your alliance?”
Okami answered. “Principia Discordia probably isn’t comparable to your average alliance. Instead we are a loosely organized bunch of like-minded pilots, who sincerely believe that having fun, hanging out with nice people and trying to make others rethink their usual view of the universe are more worthwhile goals than money or faction rank. Despite a common misconception we aren’t religious, because dogmatism makes you a dull person and dull persons don’t get laid. Not getting laid means there’ll be no offspring for the cool guys and all too soon the universe will be a boring place full of greyfaces who are always on bad trips.”
“What kinds of recruits do you look for, why should they choose you?”
“We don’t really look for recruits, because PD isn’t supposed to become some huge alliance. We also don’t offer any incentives for joining us, except for the chance to make friends with some interesting people. Basically, if your mind works at least a little like ours do, join in the fun and let our pineal glands dance together. The only people I directly approached for membership are some old friends and one pilot who once told me he’s bored.”
”What responsibilites are associated with the Erisian papacy?”
Okami answered here, but Liquid had chosen that moment to begin humming a tune, so Okami’s words were lost.
“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”
Okami looked at Liquid and tried again, louder this time. The volume of Liquid’s humming also increased. This exchange continued for several tense minutes, until Okami was screaming, “No responsibilities, except for using your head at least occasionally for other purposes than protecting your throat from rain.” I glanced at Liquid. His humming had, of course, ceased mid-sentence, leaving Okami screaming at me for no reason. To my complete surprise, he spoke:
“Aye, or like Ace Rimmer showed us…it can be used to show off the artistic talent of various hat designers. I personally have no use for my head, as I live in a desert and it doesn’t rain much, plus humans have created the ingenious umbrella.”
I realized that this interview was beginning to slip out of my control. “Could you tell me where I could find your alliance in temporal space?”
Okami considered this question for a moment. “Regarding our location there’s not much too say… Chaos is everywhere and so are we.”
“You say that Chaos is everywhere, and so are we, but there are only 5 members in your alliance…that’s some feat…actually could you clarify the first part. Do you foment chaos?”
“That’s easy,” said Okami, “Liquid is multi-schizophrenic and I’m actually a medium for a gang of speaking dolphins who are involved in a conspiracy to replace all class M planets in the universe with giant water balls. As for Rosa, I’m afraid I can’t give you any details, but rumors are numerous and surprisingly often contain references to a gigantic room full of fluffy pink animals and brains in jars.”
Liquid looked around. “My friends and I categorically deny all accusation of insanity. Trust me, in today’s world where the insane can get away with doing anything…that’s a good thing. Here is what I think about “the first part”. If we were like ants, mind controlled by a queen ant, then there would be no chaos, since the queen controls the hive and everything that goes within it. But humans are different. We have brains and have stopped working with nature a long time ago… We all are dependent beings with brains which only see what they want to see for comfort. The way this is being manipulated by the “queens of today” is up to you to figure out. But to make progress, we cannot rely on things “to just happen naturally.” Because like I said above, we have stopped working with nature. So yes, chaos is (still) rampant at the moment.”
Okami looked at Liquid in surprise. “Whoever you are, what have you done to the Liquid I know?”
I tried one last time to pull the interview back on track, and gain some insight into this enigmatic group before the effects of the bad batch of drugs wore off. “Explain how the law of fives works with the number “42,” historically seen as the answer to life, the universe, and everything.”
Okami and Liquid laughed. “42 is a number spread by the powers behind the secret conspiracy of making the universe a bad trip for everyone. It only is the answer to a life you’re not really in control of, a universe that tries hard to ignore you and everything you never wanted to know. 5 is the exact opposite, which should be obvious by the fact that most who haven’t been involved in some freak nanotech accident don’t have 42 fingers.”
Liquid poked me in the eye at this point. I swatted at his hand. “Agreed with everything Okami said. Just one question: how many fingers do you have on each hand, and how many toes on each foot? You think that’s a coincidence? HUH?!!!?!”
”So what plans do you have once Principia Discord grows as an alliance?”
”Plans are for people who are too afraid to live for the moment.”
“Thanks for talking with me guys.”
“Sure thing,” said Okami, “oh…you’re a writer…can you think of a work that rhymes with fuschia?”
Liquid waved at me. “Next time you come, don’t forget an umbrella!”
With those words ringing in my ears, I woke up. Fortunately, my autopilot had steered me into the correct sectors and I had time to glance out of the cockpit just in time to see the Free Trade Memorial slip by. I was almost home. Now I had the unenviable task of finding Avraiml, the head of the SPARTAN movement.
And find him I did. Or rather, he found me. I was in the latrine, washing my face, when my ship alarms sounded. I raced to the bridge, having had some bad luck in this part of the galaxy during the Urhoho conflict last week, in time to see that I was caught in a tractor beam, pulling me towards what appeared to be an abandoned asteroid mine. I checked my coordinates. I was somewhere in Laolla. This didn’t make sense. All of my sources told me that Avraiml was causing trouble in the Veareth. Had I been shanghaied by Stuffz again? I waited, sure that this would once again spell the end for me.
I was escorted by an amazingly vulgar parrot through one of the nicer mine shafts. I had caught glimpses down several others and saw glittering piles of gems and gold just lying about. To my surprise, Avraiml was seated in the middle of the room, whittling away at one of his nails with a wicked looking knife. He looked up. “I hear you’re looking for me…”
The menace in the question (statement) was unmistakable. I knew that if I didn’t play this interview exactly right, I’d end up back home and back in debt for my ship repairs. “Err….yes. Yes, I am. I’ve heard a lot about SPARTAN, and would like to ask you about it.”
Avraiml looked at me. I knew that I was a dead man. Then, he grinned, his gold earring glinted in the fluorescent lights of the mine. “Okay.”
I breathed a *little* bit easier. “Why the acronym SPARTAN?”
“It sounded good. One of our missions is to find out what it stands for. Maybe the Senile Person’s Athletic and Recreational Tandem Antelope Network? You tell me.”
Now, this reporter is not stupid. A wrong answer there would mean nasty things for me. I pressed onward. “Umm…SPARTAN is a pretty revolutionary concept. What prompted you to form it?”
“I was musing one day after a successful day of raiding, and it occurred to me that there were so many pirates in the world, and just how much stronger they would be in a unified force. Also, I think it had something to do with furbies, but I have forgotten that part.” He grimaced.
I blinked in surprise. Furbies? Did he say furbies? I made a note to have an associate run a check in a galactic encyclopedia for that term. “Has SPARTAN run any operations yet?”
Avraiml looked at me with suspicion. I immediately regretted asking that question. “Classified. I am afraid we have a pretty big secrecy policy.”
“I understand completely. So, how does a person or an alliance join SPARTAN?”
Avraiml grinned. “You can contact me. Anyone who wants to become dedicated to piracy or aid us can affiliate with us, but to become one of the members you need to have proof of your intentions. That is, statements to the public about your intentions, raid a few buildings, and etcetera.”
“Why choose the SPR for your current action?”
“We felt like it”
“How do you justify the inevitable loss of life and misery that you cause for your own ambitions?”
Avraiml cleared his throat. “Ermmm…. 42? Next question please.”
“How can citizens of the SPR prevent themselves from becoming victimized?”
“Please contact us about your wish. We will take tribute or other services. Contact is always good.”
“What was that thing about the…what was the term…furbies?”
“You can never know, those things are tricky…”
Avraiml began scraping at his nails again. I knew that the interview was over, and made my way back to Deliverance. It was time to go home. TST needed mobilized, and I needed a nap.
Tough Times Ahead
The South Pardus Rim was not the only zone seeing a lot of action this week. Several reports show a pirate influx through Ska. The pirates tore, unmolested, through several buildings and pilots before encountering the semi-famous “Fort Dada.” For those of you who don’t know the Ska region intimately, “fort Dada” was a weapons factory owned by Dada. It was exceptionally well defended for a standard building, boasting 10 Golems, and 3 ADD’s. The pirates were determined, and persevered, even when Dada rushed to his building’s defense. Dada was destroyed. Five minutes later, his building joined him in the newswires.
While Doombringer is officially claiming the kills, Tribune reporters claim that several other big names were involved, including eddy, zero, badabum, and, yes, Thornal Malat. The reasons for the attack are unclear, but it is rumored that the Imperial Paladins had destroyed zero’s Drug Station earlier in the week, and that the attack in Ska may havy been motivated by vengeance.
The Tribune would like to apologize to all readers who hoped that they would get through an issue without seeing Thornal Malat’s name mentioned.
One Year Anniversary (Brackard)
A little over a year ago, I entered this universe as a new pilot. I wandered around a bit, joined and quit an alliance, ranked a bit into my Babel, and ultimately, made my way to the barren, lifeless, and difficult sector of Tiacken. Of course, ignorance is bliss, and I had no idea how difficult such a sector would be, but a rag-tag group of independents and I decided to try to make something of this poor neglected sector.
And during this time, I followed and watched the events around me. Events that I wasn’t exactly a part of, but that were interesting nonetheless. And somewhere during this time, I thought to try something that hadn’t been done here. The universe was small but not everyone had the time to follow the events around them. I decided to try to put together a weekly newspaper that would capture the events around me, explain some of the game developments in game terms, collect an interview here and there – and all in all, enrich the universe and hopefully make it a bit more entertaining for new and old alike. I wasn’t sure exactly how well it would take off. I was, after all, a no-name. I hadn’t been here for more than six weeks or so and had done nothing to make a name for myself. The early issues were lacking, and my html skills were poor but I went ahead and plodded forward anyway.
Roughly four weeks or so into the Tribune publications, Nickpan settled in the Tiacken area. We talked for a bit, and he became interested in helping out with the Tribune. I have to admit, it was difficult allowing an ‘outsider’ in on my project – but I decided to let him in. It was the best thing I ever did. The Tribune began to skyrocket as it became a regular weekly feature and it gained credibility. While a good portion of the info I collected was simply what I could through the forums or through PM’s to select people who write on the forums, as the Tribune went along I began receiving info about impending attacks ahead of time and to watch for them. I have to admit, it was quite a bit of fun.
As time went on, real life moved in, and I changed directions in what I was doing in the universe, the Tribune seemed to be pushed out, and I found myself enjoying it less and less. Finally, I had to step down and pass on the reigns to the current editor. My original goal for the Tribune was to make it through one year – and while I didn’t quite make it myself, the Tribune continues on in the able hands of the current editor. We made it the year. I never imagined the Tribune being what it is today. I always hoped it would, but you can never tell what’s going to happen.
Just like to thank all the people who helped us make it through. Where we go from here, only time will tell.
Announcements: Don’t Try This at Home
In an insane attempt to create his own exotic matter field in GM 4-572, the owner of the Invisible Sun is purported to have dumped 3000 tons of E-matter into space. His logic: a standard EM field is comprised of 2000 tons of the foamy green stuff. Because 3000 is greater than 2000, so too should his field be the greatest in the galaxy. What he forgot (probably because he slept through physics) is that space is a vacuum, and the exotic matter fields are anomalies. Upon release, all 3000 tons of the exotic matter imploded. Tribune reporters are hot on the trail of the owner of Invisible Sun, in an attempt to determine the veracity of this story.
Advertisements:
In the South Pardus Rim? Near the South Pardus Rim? Can you get to the South Pardus Rim? If so, and if you’re looking for a new ship that looks a lot like a Mercury, stop by the Invisible Sun in sector GM 4-572. The base is offering a Mercury for the incredible price of 375,000 credits. The Invisible Sun’s management claims that the ship was only used by a 77 year-old woman to grab food from the local class M. However, as the Mercury is generally classified as a combat vessel, you might want to check the ship’s history out yourself. Requests for information and layout should be sent to Elric.