Issue #47
Monday, December 26th, 2005
Merry Christmas from the Tiacken Tribune! At this time of year, we decided to show our good will towards men, lizards, crabs, and Rashkans by publishing this one special edition of the Tribune over the holiday. If there is enough continued support, perhaps the new writers will continue work. We would also like to extend a warm welcome to Crake and Eldritch, the new Co-editors, ad interim, ad idem, and ad mordendum assuetus of the Tiacken Tribune! Here’s to many more fine issues! Now, onto the news.
The Big Bounty:
One last barrage was fired from the 120-ton Magnetic Defractors on the FTS Gunboat Diplomat. The ^^^^Performing Piracy’s hull turned to dust and ion particles, and Doombringer, the universe’s most infamous pirate was jettisoned in his escape pod towards home. Immediately, the Galactic Newswires went ballistic. Ska’ari and Human alike scrambled (or scuttled in the case of the former) to attempt to discover what exactly happened. How was Doombringer, who ran rampant through Conglomo space a few short weeks before, dusted by a single pilot? The Tiacken Tribune trampled several toes, claws, and other appendages to get the story. The answer is surprising. Doombringer was “visiting” Federation space, and, with his picture being taped to every Starbase security guard’s desk, had decided that it would be more prudent to find a good hiding spot. He did, and settled down for a nap with his Parrot.
Now enter fate’s twisted designs. As Doombringer cloaked his ship, The Free Trade Syndicate was just winding down their holiday party. One FTS pilot had had just a little too much… fun… and punched the wrong coordinates into his auto-guidance system. You can imagine his surprise when the klaxon on the bridge started blaring and red lights went off everywhere. When the pilot finally stumbled to the information screen, he found that he was WAY off course in SA-2779, and also discovered that he had run smack into Doombringer. After locating a change of undergarments, he scrambled an urgent message to the FTS “Hawk Squad.” Daniel Leary and the FTS Gunboat Diplomat responded to that desperate call for aid. The other pilot, who will remain nameless, lest his fortitude be questioned by all, made a hasty retreat.
Doombringer was “napping” when the drunken pilot uncovered his position, and somehow Doombringer managed to sleep through the entire conflict. This was undoubtedly a boon for Daniel Leary, the captain of FTS Gunboat Diplomat, who managed to collect $375,000 worth of bounties. However, the cost to Fed. Lt. Leary was enormous. Doombringer’s auto-defense systems inflicted a significant amount of damage. He was utterly drained and needed enormous repairs and several tons of drugs prior to finishing the job. In the end, the giant bounty almost offset his costs incurred. Still, he finished the job, alone, and should be commended for that effort.
FTS is touting this as a grand victory for the alliance, a showing that no matter who you are, if you wrong FTS, you will pay! Doombringer has intimated, in what this reporter believes is a VERY un-pirate-like fashion, that he does not plan on seeking swift and terrible revenge on his attacker. Doombringer says that he would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed (though it wouldn’t have taken 296 combat rounds), and so will let Lt. Leary continue his work in the FTS Hawk Squad. This reporter, Lt. Leary, and others wonder how things would have gone if Doombringer’s Parrot hadn’t convinced him to do 20 shots of rum prior to cloaking.
A Beginner’s Guide to Destroying a Starbase (and your reputation)
A week or so ago, as the former editor of the Tiacken Tribune was drinking himself into a stupor and trying to choose a slave from Lahola II to while away his now copious amounts of free time with, several major events took place in the universe. First, Red Cell became the first alliance to dismantle a player owned Starbase – an impressive feat. Second, the universe learned the consequences of just such an action when arjunsr, a former Red Cell member, and Erotica suddenly appeared atop the “Most Despised” list. These two members of the federation had never before graced the list, and each took over 5000 point reputation loss after their attack on Hutch’s Starbase. These acts will be detailed below. For those of you who don’t know the gory details, here’s an extremely abbreviated synopsis of what happened. Months ago, Hutch (who has since changed his name, perhaps hoping to escape the demons of his public past – thanks to Thornal Malat for the tip) killed arjunsr. Then, Hutch put arjunsr on his foes list. Apparently, arjunsr took that whole “foes” thing literally. Eventually, arjunsr convinced Erotica (who was on Hutch’s friends list) to hire squadrons and hide them in the “fly close” screen. “Wow! That’s straight up cold and brutal,” said one human who heard this story. Cold? Yes. Brutal? Yes. Effective? Undoubtedly. For those of you, however, who don’t have an inside man (or woman), this is what the Tiacken Tribune has been able to find out about taking out a starbase.
Step 1) Don’t. It’s a silly idea. It requires enormous expenditures in terms of cash (for handweapons for squadrons) and an enormous amount of coordination.
Step 2) Wait? Are you serious? You still want to take on a starbase? Ok…take a deep breath. In fact, take several. Lie down for a little while and wait for the urge to pass. Is it gone? No? On to step 3.
Step 3) This is a very important step. Perhaps the MOST important step. It is this: buy an escape pod. Your chances are slimmer than one of the Olson twins. If you forget this step, you’ll be cursing yourself tomorrow, and we will probably all be remembering you as the worst looking pilot in space.
Step 4) Still not dissuaded, eh? Your conviction is admirable. Your foolishness, condemnable. Look at the news for godssake – how many people die everyday doing this…I mean, really. Fine. The actually number of squadrons needed to take out a Starbase is a closely guarded secret. In short, we couldn’t find out the answers. So, just buy a bunch and see how you do. Nothing works quite like trial and error. (It has been pointed out that there is a better was to succeed at this – simply join Red Cell and convince them to come along for the ride!)
Step 5) This step is entitled the “recovery” step. If, by some miracle, you are able to break through a Starbase’s defenses and destroy it, beware. Unless you’ve declared war with the target, you will find yourself in the running for nickpan’s most-despised contest. You have several options at this point: 1) if you are Atrellium or krzysiek, you’re finally back to 0 – Congratulations! 2) If you are not one of those two pilots(and I’m going to go ahead and assume that you are not), then you had might as well head over to the nearest Starbase from the other faction and do one there too. At least that way you’ll win nickpan’s competition. 3) Your last option is to “bow down and forsake all others” and join the Mooninites. They do “whatever they want to whomever they want at all times” and you should fit right in.
WAR ACROSS THE GALAXY (by Crake)
In a resounding effort to prove once and for all that history is circular, December has brought us yet another series of interstellar conflicts, as well as a series of historical firsts.
The Explosion Heard Round the Galaxy:
The Mooninite alliance predicates its activities on random destruction, in a concerted attempt to strengthen themselves. In recent weeks, these random acts of piracy have begun to spur counter-attacks from some of the more prominent alliances in the galaxy. Forces from Red Cell, FTS, and the Circle of the Enlightened swarmed to Olphize, promptly turning a hub of the Neutral Zone into a battle-zone, as ambushes and counterattacks cost many pilots their lives. However, the Mooninite/GCN MO wall that blocked the entrance to Beethi, the stronghold of the Mooninites, stood strong against any conceivable effort from the forces arrayed against it.
Enter the feared Scorpion Guard. Anubis, the widely respected/reviled founder of the legendary mercenary group, had taken a leave of absence to pursue his own interests, and found that many of his interests lay in the area of exploding Mooninites. The Guard, irritated by the disruption of the neutral Zone, and perhaps motivated by loyalty to their erstwhile leader/founder, took it upon itself to change the face of the conflict against the Mooninites, smashing the weaker of the MO’s guarding Beethi, that of the GCN, and opening an entirely new dimension to the conflict.
The Allied forces swarmed into the system, wreaking havoc, but initially the Mooninites were able to hold their ground, repulsing attacks. But Red Cell, the sleeping giant of Northern Rashkir, had other plans. Using the resources and organization of the alliance, Red Cell surreptitiously went about recruiting bomber pilots to take a historic step.
Since the great Federation-Empire War, space colonization has been dependent solely on the ebbs and flows of economics. No Starbase or Planet had been destroyed years. In addition, no private alliance or group had ever taken the drastic step in the history of the galaxy. However, that time has changed. Red Cell flew their Bombers through the gaping hole in Beethi’s MO wall, and in a matter of moments, Red Cell Agent Sheridon obliterated Moonopolis, the home base of the Mooninites.
As gasps of shock reverberated around the galaxy, the mooninites recovered first, turning on their old system mates the GCN, and acquiring thousands of tons, and millions of credits worth of the material necessary to defend Beethi from any further incursions, establishing another Military Outpost, and sealing Beethi. Recently, Bobo, the feared leader of the Mooninites, acquired the GCN starbase Embryo Salvation Institute, presumably in exchange for a cessation of Mooninite-GCN hostility.
The OTHER explosion heard around the galaxy:
With Red Cell proving that the impossible could be done, the question on everyone’s lips/mandibles was who would be next. The question was soon answered, as rogue Red Cell agent Arjunsr, privy to the calculations and information garnered from that historic first destruction, used this information and his interstellar contacts with the infamous “Daaya Group” to achieve satisfaction in a long standing dispute with HuTcH, a long standing member of POTWOR. In cooperation with Erotica, Arjunsr gathered a fleet of bombers and destroyed HuTcH’s IHOP, raising the spectre of interstellar war between POTWOR and Red Cell.
Arjunsr was promptly expelled from the Cell, and then from his new home in Pharmacentricity. POTWOR and Red Cell were able to settle the matter out of the interstellar courts, and without conflict. But the rules the galaxy had formerly lived by have been changed. At first, it seemed virtually inconceivable for anyone besides the Federation or the Empire to destroy a Starbase. Then, Red Cell established that a private organization could accomplish the task. Finally, two private citizens were able to destroy a heavily defended Starbase. At this point, virtually any starbase is vulnerable to anyone with enough money and dedication to shepherd a fleet of bombers to a destination.
MERC tees off against… well… everyone.
Virtually the entirety of MERC’s fighter fleet changed flags recently, joining Eddy in the empire alliance Pharmacentricity, in order to engage in large scale conflict against several Empire alliances without attracting the attention of the imperial judicial system. MERC initially destroyed Ruby Legion’s defenses in Enaness in the North Pardus Rim, but failed to crack the Legion defenses further into the heart of Ska’ara cluster. Details are scarce, but reports suggest that both sides took tremendous casualties. The conflict seems to have died down of late, but tensions still run high.
This reporter stands eagerly waiting for new reports but those involved have been recalcitrant to reveal the motivation or extent of the conflicts. Recently Pharmacentricity/MERC has declared peace with several of the Alliances it had declared faction conflict with, but we here at the Tiacken Tribune stand waiting for more news.
Announcements:
Is Galactic War brewing?? Nickpan, the former leader of the deposed “Pirate” alliance would certainly like you to think so. While Tribune reporters have reported nothing sinister afoot aside from the now normal rumblings in Daaya, nickpan insists that war is on our doorstep. Whether this turns out to be another “War that never was” remains to be seen.
Starbase for Sale! This cry has been ringing out all over the galaxy in the past week. In the past 10 days alone, no less than three Starbases have been put up for sale. These include Quallie’s Starbase in Nex Kataam (convenient access to an x-hole), Tobal’s Invisible Sun, in GM 4-572 (right next to the South Pardus Rim’s home sector, Lahola), and Hubble’s Starbase (the former home of the Guild in a sector that can be strategically restricted) in Edbeeth. Interested parties are urged to contact the respective owners of the bases for pricing and building details.
Alliance Boom! There has been an explosion of alliances in the universe. As more and more people log on every day, alliances continue to crop up to meet their individual needs. We can now count 72 joinable alliances in the universe, and more are sure to follow. We at the Tiacken Tribune look forward to great things from all of these new alliances (or at least great news bits!).
Speaking of alliances, The Triad, a Federation-aligned alliance, is fast approaching 100 members. Congratulations to the Triad for its growth. That kind of growth requires a lot of work by the senior members, and a willingness to accept everyone who applies. Again, congratulations!
Gifts from Santa
SantaClaus sighted in Pardus! Several pilots were astounded this week when they woke up to discover that they had been visited in the night by SantaClaus. The Tribune has managed to discover that SantaClaus is, in fact, human, and is currently employed by the Praetorian Guard. Whether the Praetorian Guard hopes that Santa’s legendary ability to visit everybody in the universe in a single night and gain access to even the most secure areas can be exploited to their advantage remains to be seen (thought that would certainly land them on the “Naughty List”). Thanks Santa! And Merry Christmas to all!
Public Service Announcement (by Corba):
A new star rises over Lahola, citizens. Whatever your beliefs, you yourselves have called this new light into the sky through your own fearful non-action and now are presented the choice. This is the star of change, the star of Lahola’s destiny. Will it rise into legend as a dark harbinger of doom, suffering, and death for the cowering masses? Or as a bright beacon to freedom? Will you, the people of Lahola, disappear into tragic obscurity or rebel against your desert masters and yourselves become as legends?
We are confident you will show us your true worth, one way or the other.